Anticipation and Expectations

Our friend Becky is getting ready to give birth their first child. As she stresses about the realities of feedings, childbirth and day to day schedules, I am awed about my own passive anticipation regarding motherhood round two. It is kind of amazing how just one trip into a labor and delivery room empowers a gal enough not to worry about those very things that completely consumed you when you were pregnant the first time! My anticipation for our new arrival is present, but not overwhelming. I feel like this pregnancy is flying by. Now that I have achieved status of “with child” I would be content to just be this way awhile. For I know that they are—what is that they say?-- a heck of a lot easier to take care of inside than out?!? Ever notice how many useless adages exist for pregnant women and mothers? I have been trying to come up with some intelligent token of wisdom that I can pass on to Becky based on my experiences of the past 28 months with little man. You know, something deeper than the true but trite “sleep while you can” and “don’t lose sight of yourself” aphorisms that so often are shared.

Knowing I have plenty of time –as most advice never sinks in until after it is needed—I thought I would bounce my thoughts off of you unexpected readers tonight.

For me, I guess a key to motherhood is all about having suitable expectations:

You have to have appropriate expectations for what you as a mother can actually accomplish (in a day, on this trip to the store, within your situation, etc).

And you have to have appropriate expectation for what you kid can actually accomplish (based on their skills, their schedule, their temperament, etc).

And finally you have to have appropriate expectations for what life is like once you have a kid (with your social life, with your career, with yourself, with your kitchen floor).

From watching myself and my friends stumble through these past few months ---and I admit I did not pay any attention or give any thought to how to make it as a mom before I was one--- I think everything is about expectations. If someone is having troubles with mommyhood, it comes down to either 1. they think the should be able to accomplish more than they really can, or 2. they think their kid should be doing something they are not ready to, or 3. they are not ready to accept what motherhood has done to their life.

I think that is pretty sound advice, at least a good piece of the puzzle for many women. But probably not the thing she wants to hear about now. How do you sell any piece of advice to a woman worried about how to get an 8 pound baby out of her 5 foot tall body? I guess I will just stick with, "it is the kind of pain that you forget."   What a load of crap...