At this moment

I might as well be having contractions because I have been watching the clock so much today. A year ago I was in labor and all day it has been, "Oh, this is when my water broke" and "This is when I was pacing the halls" sometimes with my mom, sometimes with my dad, sometimes with my Josh just waiting for the greatest gift ever to arrive. Right about now is when we figured out my epidural was not actual hooked up to me and it had been just dripping onto the mattress and the floor behind my bed. Good times.

We have had so many enjoyable moments in the past year. I am really glad I started this blog to record it all. It makes those cloudy months (I honestly do not remember anything from when he was born to the first of October) much clearer!

Day to day I have a couple of favorite moments as well.
**I love going into Hudson's room in the morning (provided it is after 6 a.m.) to see his smile wide and visible behind paci. He grabs the rails of the crib and does a little jumping move. He is so happy and ready to hangout.
**I love when Josh puts Hudson to bed at night and I just come into the living room and sit. Just sit for a couple of minutes in silence. Peace.
**I love that when I open the back door of the car to get him out of his carseat when we have went somewhere he looks at me with such happiness and not like I just saw him a couple of minutes before. His eyes actually smile.
**I love giving Hudson a bath myself because he just plays and jabbers and sings to himself. You can just sit there by the tub and talk to him or read or blow bubbles and he is just super content.
**I love creeping into his room every single night before I go to bed and seeing his sober little face snoozing away.

In all likelihood I won't sleep tonight. I'm just so caught up in reliving each moment of a year ago. In the wee hours of the morning I want to look at the clock and see in my memory's eye myself being wheeled into the operating room. I want to remember again, and for always, the doctor gently reminding his nurses not to say the gender of the baby out loud before Josh could tell me himself. I want to feel my lips saying the words, "You have a son". It is a lie to tell women they won't remember labor pains. To some degree, you do. It is more beneficial just to tell them that you would relive the whole day over again to meet for the first time the life you created.

Just make sure you have a competent anesthesiologist.