No excuses

Let us throw another log on the already aflame parental guilt pile. As Hudson’s birthday approaches this week, I continue to feel the stress that parents feel regarding their children’s manners. The past couple weeks have been wonderful and difficult. Our friends and family have so openly acknowledged Hudson’s new status as big brother with wonderful gifts to match those that they have brought for Little Tucker. And each time, I worry that Hudson shows appropriate gratitude and appreciation. This is not a stress that I need. And I wonder why do parents take their toddler’s poor social graces as a reflection of their own? But we do. If you run into a friend while running errands and your kid hides between your thighs, you make an excuse for the behavior. If she/he chooses not to hug grandma goodbye, you make an excuse for the behavior. If you child screams their way through Target, you make an excuse for their behavior.

Even if you think, well, that is not necessary, reality is that you know good and well society expect you to acknowledge when your kid does not act perfectly. Being a parent of a toddler can mean getting an awful lot of dirty looks. My girlfriends one year old’s new habit of screaming her way through shopping centers does not solicit glances of empathy, but people who roll their eyes and wonder why that mom doesn’t “get control of her kid”. How quickly people seem to forget how hard it is to parent.

Don't ask me to share my popcorn! At the movies with Dada.

Another thing I don’t understand about parenting is how much time we spend working with our kids on sharing. As adults, we don’t share. I don’t expect you to hand over your new iPod or GPS the minute you walk into my house and let me play with it for the next hour. I don’t anticipate that you will give me half of your chocolate cookie. But our poor kids: we are constantly insisting that everything they have should be shared with their friends.

So, let us just make this easy: do not apologize for my sake if your kid screams, bites, hides, or hits. I get it; he/she just are learning how this world works. They still pee their pants for pete’s sake.

Meanwhile, I won’t make my kid share his chocolate chip cookie with anyone…but me.