I am in the waiting room for outpatient surgery at Riley Hospital for Children. And I am overwhelmed. This place is so humbling. I was in tears within twenty minutes of our arrival -not for my own kid, but this little girl who emitted the most raw, gutteral cries I have ever heard. The scars crossing her sweet bald head made my whole heart swell. I feel short of breath just thinking of her.
They aren't lying when they say becoming a parent changes you. My previous sadness for crimes or pains against children has escalated to anger. The nightly news sickens me. There are entire articles of the newspaper I can not read. How can people be cruel to babies? Ugh. Yet again I feel helpless for how to help.
Mister T was such a trooper. Due to a late church function he did not get to bed until 10. We decided not to wake him up to eat- figuring it was unlikely that he would sleep until our 4:30 wake up call anyway. Well, he slept until 4:22 a.m. and I quickly made him a bottle of "clear fluids" which he chugged down up to his 4:30 no drinks-deadline. He has been smiley with every resident, nurse, and anesthesiologist in the place.
The mother across from me is eating Maalox like I eat popcorn. As I sit here concerned and confused, I feel grateful. Every parent wears concern like an extra shirt they unwillingly put on. Yet I know my baby will be just fine.
I hate helplessness. And hospitals. And heights (sorry--I just got on a roll...) I need to figure out something I can do to make a difference for kids. I think Riley Hospital has changed me much like becoming a parent did.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
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5 comments:
I would love to leave a profound and heartfelt comment right now, but I can't even find the words that would do justice to all this makes me feel. So thankful for my family's health.
It is a whole different experience. It changed me too. I am so glad that Tucker's experience went well and no problems. Great hospital. Love you gota.
We're all thinking of you guys
Love your honesty. I know exactly what you are feeling. I work for the Univ of Ok Health Sciences Center which is made up of multiple hospitals and clinics. One of those is the children's hospital. I see new leukemia diagnosis almost weekly and for all ages. One of the first pediatric bone marrow transplant patients we lost after I started was the same age as Madison. It is extremely difficult to see such heartache on a daily basis. What I can tell you is that it reminds you how luckly you are to have children and for them to be healthy. Now, go and give some hugs and kisses to your little men.
Thanks! Now my next client is going to wonder why I have tears and snot running down my face.
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