I apologize

My neighbors love the Fourth of July. Each night there are some pretty heavy fireworks celebrations and between the explosion of bottle rockets and black cats I get pretty stressed out that the baby is going to wake up and never (ever) get back asleep. The other night --probably the actual 4th--I was just shaking my head at the noise and thought, "For Pete's sake, what time is it anyway????" Um....it was *only* ten o'clock. I started to feel pretty sorry for all the years where I was the one up at some crazy hour like 10:00 p.m. setting off fireworks unknowingly keeping someone’s baby awake. So for that I apologize.

Life is stressful making decisions about childcare/quitting my job/thinking about the future, and when I get tense I tend to get obsessed about all sorts of things. My mind is in overdrive. Lately I guess I have been feeling guilty. (This is probably me feeling guilty about not knowing what is best for my own silly life!) But out of this stress, I started thinking of other (some serious, some dorky) apologies I have and here they are:

I apologize for anytime I saw a new mother and secretly questioned the last time she showered. Now I realize getting showering and applying makeup and doing your hair is quite the luxury.

I apologize to all the Hollywood movie starts who are making great films which I will surely not be able to sit and watch without falling asleep for another couple of years.

I apologize to those cute shoes I have which I never can wear again because in my pregnancy--for some reason--my feet grew a half a size permanently larger.

I apologize for being so absent minded. I used to laugh at my "mommy mush-brain" but seriously! I can not remember anything. It takes me forever to finish a thought!

I apologize to my body. I knew a cesarean would be rough, but I thought my stomach would have forgiven me by now.

I apologize to Josh for making him talk about our future options every single night for the past week. (I love you forever for it.)

I apologize to Hudson for not making this decision with ease. My teaching career was such a big part of who I was before you came around, Buddy, and I am just not sure I am ready to leave it forever.

Ooohhh, I feel better!!! I apologize, readers, for this blogging therapy, but it improved my attitude greatly!